Head of Hogwarts Castle
by Ron Weasley's Cutie
Summary: THAT'S RIGHT! ANOTHER PARODY TO A BNL SONG! Hee hee...this time its Voldie Woldie and his followers singing a pardoy to 'King of Bedside Manor' after they defeat Dumbledore and take over Hogwarts. Has some Monty Python lines in it. Nyah. =P*


Head of Hogwarts Castle

**_Head of Hogwarts Castle_**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Voldemort, any of the Death Eaters, Hogwarts, or Dumbledore. They all belong to J.K. Rowling. But you already knew that. Don't deny it. And the song 'King of Bedside Manor' is owned by BNL. Yeparonies. **

***

[Voldemort and his faithful followers stared around proudly at the castle ofHogwarts, because they'd just taken over it.

Voldemort was in a particularly good mood. It made him feel like singing. Which he did, of course. After all, this wouldn't be a song parody if he didn't sing, would it?

So, Lucius got himself some Conga drums and a tambourine, while Peter shakily took up the double bass, Crabbe and Goyle picked up some shakers (which was probably asking a bit too much of them), and Nott sat down behind a drum set, ready to play them with the handles of the two axes he had been carrying around. And finally, Voldemort picked up a guitar and started to play…then he began to sing a song about Dumbledore]

**Voldemort: You know he was just the kind of man**** **

Who liked to see kids safe and sound;

All snug and happy in their beds. 

So he was always calm

And always patient

And not ready when we came around.

**All Death Eaters: You know he's not the head of Hogwarts castle! He's not the Headmaster behind the hidden door! He's not the head of Hogwarts castle! He's not even living anymore! __**

**Guy in the back (not singing): Um, actually, he is still alive…**

[Voldemort ignores this obviously foolish man's statement and issues for the song to continue]

**Lucius: Voldie said, _Excuse me, I hope you don't mind but I' m taking over this castle now and if you resist, well, I'll just take my wand and POW you won't even exist!_**

**Voldemort (not singing, though they're still playing the music): Idiot! I said not to call me Voldie anymore! CRUCIO!**

[Lucius falls to the ground howling in pain while Voldemort laughs insanely. Peter did the only thing he could think of doing at a time like this: sing]

**Peter (singing over Voldemort's cackles and Lucius's screams): Well he's subtle in his speeches and he wishes he had wool socks! He says words that make no sense and he's quite the Mr. Magoo!**

**A Death Eater (not singing): Um, I don't think Mr. Magoo actually fits his description—**

**Voldemort (not singing, either): We don't care! It rhymes! CRUCIO!**

[the Death Eater screams in pain and Voldemort laughs]

**Peter (still singing over the noise): You know he was quite a teacher, quite a Headmaster, not so long ago. But now he's mortally wounded and we don't think he'll pull through.**

**Guy in the back (still not singing): He's getting better, actually…**

**Death Eaters (ignoring the last remark): He's not the head of Hogwarts castle! He's not the Headmaster behind the hidden door! (****Peter: You mean gargoyle. Behind a gargoyle.) He's not the head of Hogwarts castle! And he won't be living by the time we're done!**

**Guy in the back (he ain't singing): He probably could pull through…**

**Crabbe and Goyle (singing stupidly): You know he opened up his curtains at the crack of dawn…**

**Nott: …Just to see if there were still people from Beauxbatons…**

**Voldemort (still in his maniacal CRUCIO spree, and not singing): Fool! That made no sense! CRUCIO!**

**Crabbe and Goyle: …from a country that was kind of far from good old Scot of Land!**

**Voldemort (still CRUCIOing innocent people and not singing): Morons! CRUCIO!**

[Crabbe and Goyle shriek with pain like little schoolgirls]

**Peter: He says to himself he's got his wealth and that's as much as he needs anyway!**

**Death Eaters: You know he's not the head of Hogwarts castle! He's not the Headmaster behind the hidden door! (****Peter: I'm pretty sure it was a gargoyle…) He's not the head of Hogwarts castle! He's…well he's…definitely not, anymore!**

**Guy in the back: He's regaining consciousness!**

**Peter: He's not the head of Hogwarts castle! He's not the head of Hogwarts castle! He definitely isn't the Headmaster, anymore!**

**Death Eaters: STICKY!**

**Peter: Mudbloods are really stupid, so we kill them!**

**Death Eaters: We said Mudbloods!**

**Voldemort (finally singing): Mudbloods!**

**Death Eaters: Mudbloods!**

**Voldemort: Mudbloods!**

**Death Eaters: Mudbloods, mudbloods, mudbloods, mudbloods, mudbloods!**

**Voldemort: Mudbloods, mudbloods, mudbloods, mudbloods, mudbloods, mudbloods!**

**Peter: He's not the head, he's not the head, he's not the head…**

**Death Eaters: …OF HOGWARTS CASTLE!!**

**Guy in the back: But he's still alive!!**

**Voldemort (pointing wand at Dumbledore): AVADA KEDAVRA!**

[guy in the back feels for Dumbledore's pulse]

**Guy in the back: Oh, well, he's dead now, anyways…**

[A few miles away, Harry, Ron, and Hermione sat, blinking at Hogwarts and wondering what sparked that very stupid scene they just saw. Harry broke the silence.]

**Harry: On second thought, let's _not go back to Hogwarts. It is a silly place._**

[Ron and Hermione nod and they all go riding into the sunset]

***

**A/N: SUGAR IS YUMMY!! *cough* Just thought I'd share that with you. Uh…yeah. Sorry if there's some Monty Python lines in there. I just watched the Quest for the Holy Grail for like the fifty millionth time (actually, only the ninth time, but okay). Hee hee! Please review! *glares* _What? You won't review? Well, if you don't review, then I shall be forced to say 'NI!', to you! You're __still not reviewing?! Alright, you asked for it…NI! NI! NI! NI! NI! NI! Okay, now I'm scaring myself. _**

toodles,

Ron Weasley's Cutie


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